Fuck the Paleo diet

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 06/11/2015 at 12:17 • Filed to: None

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Have you heard of the Paleo diet? It’s yet another fad diet, often practiced by Crossfit enthusiasts with similar cult-like devotion as they have to their stupid Crossfit workouts. Well, I’m here to tell you: the Paleo diet is a load of shit.

According to the all-too-frequent facebook posts from Crossfit/Paleo people who I went to high school with but don’t talk to anymore, Paleo is a diet that’s supposed to be like what cavemen ate, before we humans discovered all these other foods that we eat nowadays but our bodies didn’t evolve the ability to fully process. Also, they eat lots of bacon, which they think they can do on Paleo.

I’m pretty sure cavemen didn’t have fucking bacon in their diets.

(You shouldn’t eat bacon on Paleo, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .)

When you first read about the Paleo diet, it seems like it makes sense. The !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! on their website says,

The Paleo Diet is based upon everyday, modern foods that mimic the food groups of our pre-agricultural, hunter-gatherer ancestors. The following seven fundamental characteristics of hunter-gatherer diets will help to optimize your health, minimize your risk of chronic disease, and lose weight.

Why yes, I do indeed want to optimize my health, not get sick, and lose weight! Sign me up!

Beware any diet plan that makes such bold claims. They want you to spend money on stuff. As long as there are fat people who want to lose weight but can’t, there will be other people trying to make money promising to help lose weight.

The Paleo premise page goes into more detail and mentions several nutritionally sound ideas like higher protein, lower carbs, more fiber, more whole (unprocessed) foods, sticking to the good kinds of fat rather than the bad ones, and getting more vitamins.

These are all healthy-sounding things! So how does one achieve these goals? According to the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , here are things you can eat on the Paleo diet:

Grass-fed meats
Fish/seafood
Fresh fruits and veggies
Eggs
Nuts and seeds
Healthful oils (olive, walnut, flaxseed, macadamia, avocado, coconut)

Sounds good so far. These are all wonderful, healthy foods. Eating them in the right proportions is good. But what about foods to avoid? Here’s what you can’t eat on Paleo:

Cereal grains
Legumes (including peanuts)
Dairy
Refined sugar
Potatoes
Processed foods
Salt
Refined vegetable oils

Now this is where we encounter some problems. Some of the things Paleo encourages avoiding are in fact bad for you, like refined sugar, processed foods, salt, and refined vegetable oils. But Paleo also forbids too many things that are actually really good for you and are part of a proper, healthy, balanced diet.

Grains, legumes, dairy, and potatoes are not evil. You do not need to avoid them. They have been the staples of healthy diets for thousands of years. A bowl of brown rice and beans is one of the healthiest things you can possibly eat, but Paleo has a bunch of bullshit pseudo-science claims about why you need to avoid these things.

To put it as simply as possible, here is why Paleo is fucking stupid.

Paleo-approved meal:

Extremely anti-Paleo meal:

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 12:22

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Paleo is kind of annoying, but it’s not mandatory #notallcrossfitters

yamahog > Santiago of Escuderia Boricua 06/11/2015 at 12:25

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You have no room to talk here, Mr. Soylent :P

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > yamahog 06/11/2015 at 12:25

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I don’t talk about it constantly

PatBateman > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 12:27

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I have found that the best diet in the world is the “don’t eat too much bad shit and exercise on a regular basis” diet. But apparently, that's not catchy enough for many people.

For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 12:29

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I’m pretty sure cavemen didn’t have fucking bacon in their diets.

Why do you think this? You don’t think they ate pigs and boars?

For Sweden > PatBateman 06/11/2015 at 12:29

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I’m a fan of the Scotch diet.

crowmolly > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 12:32

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Flavor of the day.

A few years ago it was Atkins, before that it was something else.

I’ll just sit here quietly eating chicken and rice for the 1000th time.

Where have all the lightweights gone? > PatBateman 06/11/2015 at 12:32

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Of course not. It’s too simple!

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > For Sweden 06/11/2015 at 12:32

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SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 12:33

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Today I acquired lamb bacon. I’m extremely excited

Textured Soy Protein > For Sweden 06/11/2015 at 12:34

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Cavemen had not yet discovered the salt necessary to cure meat.

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 12:36

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Just grass-fed meat? What about bear?

For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 12:36

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True. Cavemen were much let salty about dietary choices.

Textured Soy Protein > Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready 06/11/2015 at 12:42

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I’m pretty sure they’re talking about meat from farm-raised animals like cattle. There is research that shows when animals who are supposed to eat grass are fed a non-grass diet, the balance between Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids in their meat gets all thrown out of whack. You want more Omega-3 and less Omega-6, which is what happens when the animals eat grass like they’re supposed to. Whereas grain-fed beef has much more Omega-6 vs. Omega-3.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 06/11/2015 at 12:44

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Holy moly, let us know how that tastes!

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 12:45

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I figured that, I was assuming that bear and other carniverous animals should count too.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 13:00

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I am by no means a nutritional expert - in fact I’m a fat, lazy pile. I’ve also only ever tried one diet in my life, and it’s South Beach. It is by far the most sensible thing in the world.

LongbowMkII > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 13:16

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Believing that our ancestors avoided wild grains and beans is just stupid. All pre-agricultural societies ate them, hence why they were usually the first domesticated plants. Eat grain, seed grain, follow herd, come back next year and eat more grain.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 13:16

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lol I had this arguement with my girl, shes been on it, and it does work. Its really like tailoring your diet to your needs. After watching her wichcraft I adopeded a less disaplined form of it. For instance I cut back on carb intensive foods because I have a desk job, and my main activity does not call for the amount of energy that complex carbs provide. However!, I dont entirely avoid a bowl of rice rice and beans (great picture btw, im hungry now), I just eat less rice, and more of everything else. Overall the snake oil is in the details, and the magic comes from putting any diet to practice. Also I avoid all juice, and almost all deserts, which is really a waste when I can have more food for the same net effect calorie wise.

Im really a just a closset fatass on the verg of a relaps..

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 13:17

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This, I can eat this... Looks just like moms, brown rice and all! Also black beans or nothing.

nermal > PatBateman 06/11/2015 at 14:13

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Yep. Stick to “real” food, with as little processing as possible. Meats, fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.

Avoid sugar and overly processed crap.

Don’t be a bum, go out and do something athletic on a regular basis.

Bing bang boom, six pack.

banjo cat ghost of oppo past > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 14:17

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My friend who’s dream was pretty much always to be a 2nd gen yuppie, loves crossfit and Paleo. Now his wife does. They can’t stfu about both now.

Neither had experience with organized sports previously (other than his boastings of pre-stoner JV wrestlting) or knew much about fitness before hand, which seems to be a trend in crossfit. They give you that little taste of group effort and triumph...

I’m pretty sure crossfit was created specifically for soft suburbanites who moved on from fucking silly obstacle courses and needed something moar badass to brag about on their facebook feeds. Half the crossfit culture seems to be about posting your success on facebok or instagrams and check this out you never expected Becky doing olympic lifts did you?!

The 2nd phase of the asshattery was for his wife invite mostly crossfit people to his suprise birthday party. All they talked about was crossfit, including his bro-ther in law and

Awe bro I brought my bumper weights do you want to go down in your basement with barely 7ft high ceilings and SLAM N’ BANG?

NNNO! How did they let you in the Army?? Swear to god I heard the phrase “slam n’ bang” over a dozen times from various peoples that night. His specific Gym has cramped spaces no self respecting olympic lifting group would use and I know of at least one personal trainer who quit there because of said lack of experience/professionalism. Yet he still goes at lunch sometimes, is always sore or slightly injured aaand now sees a chirpopracter

“but its totally because of the way I sit at work...Oh dude I was doing kip-upps (an explosive pull-up) and I’m pretty sure I popped a rib! Badass right??

That...sounds like a mild hernia.

I have complete disdain for it and their use of the rowing machine, which all rowers consider a sacred torture device. Crossfitters have THE-WORST and downright dangerous rowing form I have ever seen. The type of form that has ended rowing careers. Yet they boast of 2,000 meter times that wouldn’t get you a seat in a highschool Juniors boat.

Goodluck with that sprint, guys!

PatBateman > For Sweden 06/11/2015 at 15:20

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I like your style.

brianbrannon > Textured Soy Protein 06/11/2015 at 19:28

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So glad you could come along with all that science and first hand knowledge to set the world straight on a healthy diet.

Textured Soy Protein > brianbrannon 06/11/2015 at 23:44

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This post was about the common sense flaws with the Paleo diet. I didn’t really feel like making a super-long treatise on the benefits of the good things that Paleo forbids. But since you asked, I went and found information from actual science-y places, rather than some bullshit Paleo guy.

Here’s what the American Heart Association says about eating whole grains .

Eating whole grains provides important health benefits:

Many whole grains are good or excellent sources of dietary fiber. Most refined grains contain little fiber.

Dietary fiber from whole grains, as part of an overall healthy diet, may help improve blood cholesterol levels, and lower risk of heart disease, stroke, obesity and type 2 diabetes.

Dietary fiber can make you feel full, so you may eat fewer calories. Including whole grains in your diet plan may help you reach or manage a healthy weight.

Grains are also important sources of many nutrients:

B vitamins (thiamin (Vitamin B1), riboflavin (Vitamin B2), niacin (Vitamin B3) and folate (Vitamin B9) are important in a variety of biological functions.

Folate (folic acid), one of the B vitamins, helps the body form new cells and can prevent certain birth defects.

Iron is used to carry oxygen in the blood.

Magnesium is a mineral that is involved in more than 300 processes in the body./li>

Selenium is important for a healthy immune system and regulating thyroid hormone action.

Here’s what the Mayo Clinic says about eating legumes .

Legumes — a class of vegetables that includes beans, peas and lentils — are among the most versatile and nutritious foods available. Legumes are typically low in fat, contain no cholesterol, and are high in folate, potassium, iron and magnesium. They also contain beneficial fats and soluble and insoluble fiber. A good source of protein, legumes can be a healthy substitute for meat, which has more fat and cholesterol.

Here’s what LiveScience says about eating potatoes .

When prepared the right way—without butter, cheese or sour cream, for example—these vegetables are somewhat nutritious. Potatoes are low calorie, with a medium-sized baked potato containing only about 110 calories. They are a good source of vitamins C and B6, manganese, phosphorus, niacin and pantothenic acid.

Health benefits

Potatoes are stuffed with phytonutrients , which are organic components of plants that are thought to promote health, according to the USDA. Phytonutrients in potatoes include carotenoids, flavonoids and caffeic acid.

The vitamin C in potatoes acts as an antioxidant . These substances may prevent or delay some types of cell damage, according to the National Institutes of Health. They may also help with digestion, heart health, blood pressure and even cancer prevention.

Blood pressure

Potatoes may help lower blood pressure for several reasons. Victoria Jarzabkowski, a nutritionist with the Fitness Institute of Texas at The University of Texas at Austin, said that the fiber found in potatoes can help lower cholesterol by binding with cholesterol in the blood. “After it binds, we excrete it,” she said.

Potatoes are also a good source of potassium. “All potatoes are potassium rich,” Jarzabkowski said. “They have even more potassium than a banana, and a lot of it is found in the [potato’s] skin.” She noted that the outer potato peel also contains a good deal of fiber. Potassium is a mineral that helps lower blood pressure, according to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

Potassium, too, can help lower blood pressure through its actions as a vasodilator (blood vessel widener). Scientists at the Institute for Food Research have discovered that potatoes contain chemicals called kukoamines, which are associated with lowering blood pressure.

Brain functioning and nervous system health

The B6 vitamins in potatoes are critical to maintaining neurological health. Vitamin B6 helps create useful brain chemicals, including serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, according to the University of Maryland Medical Center . This means that eating potatoes may help with depression, stress and even perhaps attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Potatoes’ high level of carbohydrates may have some advantages, including helping maintain good levels of glucose in the blood, which is necessary to proper brain functioning. A 1995 study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that modest increases in glucose could help enhance learning and memory . Potassium, which encourages the widening of blood vessels, also helps ensure your brain gets enough blood.

Immunity

Vitamin C can help prevent everything from scurvy to the common cold, and potatoes are full of this nutrient, with about 45 percent of the daily recommended intake per medium baked potato, according to the Washington State Potato Commission .

Inflammation

Some people think potatoes and other members of the nightshade family — such as eggplants, tomatoes and peppers — trigger arthritis flares. However, there is limited scientific evidence to support this hypothesis, according to the Arthritis Foundation . The organization suggests that people with arthritis try cutting nightshade vegetables from their diets for two weeks to see if symptoms improve.

Some studies suggest these vegetables may actually help reduce arthritis symptoms, the foundation said. For example, a 2011 study published in the Journal of Nutrition found that potatoes may reduce inflammation .

Digestion

The largest health benefit offered by potatoes is how they can help with digestion due to their high fiber content, Jarzabkowski said. Potatoes’ high level of carbohydrates makes them easy to digest, while their fiber-filled skin can help keep you regular.

Heart health

Potatoes give your heart plenty of reasons to swoon, due to the fiber content. Jarzabkowski said fiber is associated with clearing cholesterol from blood vessels; vitamins C and B6 help reduce free radicals; and carotenoids help maintain proper heart functioning.

Additionally, B6 plays a crucial role in the methylation process , which, among other things, changes the potentially dangerous molecule homocysteine into methionine, a component in new proteins, according to Harvard. Too much homocysteine can damage blood vessel walls, and high levels of it are associated with increased risk of heart attack and stroke.

Athletic performance

Jarzabkowski described how potatoes can be a win for athletes. “Potatoes can help restore electrolyte balance,” she said. “Sodium and potassium, which are found in potato peels, are two important electrolytes, and athletes lose them in sweat.” Electrolytes are necessary for optimum body function, and having too few can cause cramps, as many athletes know.

Skin care

According to Organic Facts , vitamin C, vitamin B6, potassium, magnesium, zinc and phosphorous can all help keep skin as smooth and creamy as, well, mashed potatoes. These nutrients are all present in potatoes.

Health risks

Potatoes are fat free, but they are also starchy carbohydrates with little protein. According to Harvard, the carbs in potatoes are the kind that the body digests rapidly and have a high glycemic load. That is, they cause blood sugar and insulin to surge and then dip. This effect can make people feel hungry again soon after eating, which may lead to overeating. The rapid rise in blood sugar can also lead to increased insulin production. Jarzabkowski said, “The last thing I’d recommend to a diabetic is a potato.”

On the other hand, potatoes are also a great source of fiber, Jarzabkowski said, and the fiber content helps you feel fuller longer.

Jarzabkowski recommended that when planning meals, people should remember potatoes’ carb content. “Potatoes should take the place of a grain on the plate. Use it as a carb rather than as your only vegetable,” she said.

Even when prepared in a healthy way, potatoes can present health problems to individuals with obesity or diabetes. They are high in simple carbohydrates, which can lead to weight gain. Jarzabkowski likened the vegetables in this way to white bread.

The Harvard School of Public Health tracked the diet and lifestyle of 120,000 men and women for about 20 years and found that people who increased their consumption of French fries and baked or mashed potatoes gained more weight over time — as much as 3.4 lbs. every four years.

Plenty of pros, some cons, and lots of links to other science-y places to back up their claims.

I’m not saying you should eat a diet of exclusively potatoes, but that they are not something that one needs to avoid entirely in order to achieve a healthy diet.

Here’s what the Harvard University School of Public Health says about dairy .

At moderate levels, consumption of calcium and dairy products has benefits beyond bone health, including possibly lowering the risk of high blood pressure and colon cancer. ( 20–25 ) While the blood pressure benefits appear fairly small, the protection against colon cancer seems somewhat larger, and most of the latter benefit comes from having just one or maybe two glasses of milk per day in addition to what we get from other foods in our diet. Getting more than this doesn’t seem to lower risk further.

For individuals who are unable to digest—or who dislike—dairy products and for those who simply prefer not to consume large amounts of such foods, other options are available. Calcium can also be found in dark green, leafy vegetables, such as kale and collard greens, as well as in dried beans and legumes.

Calcium is also found in spinach and chard, but these vegetables contain oxalic acid, which combines with the calcium to form calcium oxalate, a chemical salt that makes the calcium less available to the body. A variety of calcium-fortified foods, such as orange juice and soy milk, are now on the market.

I’m not a huge fan of mass quantities of dairy. I hate drinking milk. I do keep cheese in the house because it’s a convenient snack, not terrible for you, and delicious.

Again, I’m not saying everything Paleo forbids needs to be eaten in mass quantities, and Harvard “ recommends limiting milk and dairy to one to two servings per day, since high intakes are associated with increased risk of prostate cancer and possibly ovarian cancer .” But my point is that Paleo is stupid to forbid dairy completely.

So there you have it. Plenty of evidence why each of the healthy things that Paleo forbids are actually not worth avoiding entirely.

My biggest objections to Paleo are the prohibition of grains and legumes, and less so about potatoes and dairy (although these are also not evil). Because the right grains and legumes are goddamned excellent for you.

Looks like I need to use that gif again.

brianbrannon > Textured Soy Protein 06/12/2015 at 11:48

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How does common sense explain the strength and fitness of Crossfit/Paleo eaters? Where’s the beans and grains articles? Mankind lost height, strength, tooth health, bone health all concurrent with the advent of eating grains.

I’m not sure if it’s the sugar or the lectins in beans and grains that you think are “goddammed excellent for you”?

Picks mike back up to remind you that the FDA said trans fat was better for you for 70 years and that ketchup was a vegetable

Textured Soy Protein > brianbrannon 06/12/2015 at 12:32

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How does common sense explain the strength and fitness of Crossfit/Paleo eaters?

Here’s your common sense explanation: people who do Crossfit workouts and eat Paleo diets get exercise and eat things that are generally healthy for them. Getting exercise and eating generally healthy things leads to strength and fitness.

However, this does not mean that Crossfit is the best kind of exercise, or that Paleo is the best kind of diet.

I’m not arguing that people who eat Paleo will not see health benefits. My point, to repeat it again, is that Paleo unnecessarily forbids things that are actually good, and is therefore stupid.

Where’s the beans and grains articles?

They’re the first two articles I included. The one from the American Heart Association about whole grains, and the one from the Mayo Clinic about legumes. You know beans are legumes, right?

the FDA said trans fat was better for you for 70 years and that ketchup was a vegetable

I have zero articles sourced from the FDA. In fact, the article I got from the Harvard School of Public Health is part of a series of articles going over what they believe to be better recommendations than the FDA.

I’m not sure if it’s the sugar or the lectins in beans and grains that you think are “goddammed excellent for you”?

Worrying about lectins is suspect at best. The theory that lectins are bad is pushed by non-experts like in this article where they link to several other scientific publications but string them together to make conclusions those scientific publications don’t make, and actually contradict.

For example, that dumbass links to this NIH publication about how lectins bind to insulin receptors and that’s supposedly bad. Except the very article he links to also says “all of the effects observed with the plant lectins are reversed by simple sugars that bind specifically to these plant proteins.”

You can’t say beans and grains are evil because they contain sugar, when Paleo is all on the fruits & vegetables bandwagon. News flash: fruits and vegetables contain sugar.

Mankind lost height, strength, tooth health, bone health all concurrent with the advent of eating grains.

Putting aside the fact that you didn’t include any evidence to support this claim, let’s look at the logic of it.

One of the basic principles of logic is that correlation does not imply causation. Just because two events happen at a similar time to each other does not mean that one event caused the next.

For example: Just because when I yelled at my tv last night for the Cavaliers to make it a closer game, and the Cavs then shrunk down the Warriors’ lead, does not mean my yelling at my tv caused the Cavs to make more baskets.

Similarly, if I were to stipulate that humans did in fact lose height, strength, tooth health, and bone health after they started eating grains, that in and of itself does not prove that humans lost those things as a result of eating grains. There are too many other possible factors that could have led to those events.

But it sure is interesting that you think I didn’t include any evidence to back up what I’m saying when I’ve provided a ton of it, yet when you spout off some Paleo-approved BS you have no evidence included with your claim.

I chose my articles from places that are not arguing against Paleo, and are not looking to make a profit by pushing one particular nutrition plan over another.

So go ahead, find me something to support what you’re saying, that comes from a similarly impartial, and scientifically-accredited source. Articles from Paleo and Crossfit websites where the author has already drank the Paleo Kool-Aid don’t count.

ttyymmnn > PatBateman 06/12/2015 at 15:51

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It doesn’t sell books.

ttyymmnn > brianbrannon 06/12/2015 at 15:52

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ketchup was a vegetable

It’s not?

CalzoneGolem > Textured Soy Protein 06/12/2015 at 15:59

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I’d like the Paleo meal and the anti-Paleo meal combined.

CalzoneGolem > Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready 06/12/2015 at 16:02

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Because I like being pedantic I’m going to point out that bears are omnivores.

Textured Soy Protein > CalzoneGolem 06/12/2015 at 16:16

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And therein lies the problem with Paleo. If you combine what’s in both of those meals, in the right proportions, it would be a perfectly healthy meal. But Paleo sees a bowl of rice & beans with some cheese on top and is like HERE ARE THREE THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER EAT BECAUSE CAVEMEN DIDN’T HAVE THEM.

CalzoneGolem > Textured Soy Protein 06/12/2015 at 16:20

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The funny thing is that cavemen most certainly ate grains, legumes and everything else they could.

Textured Soy Protein > CalzoneGolem 06/12/2015 at 16:21

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Shhhhh, don’t tell the Paleo people that!

CalzoneGolem > Textured Soy Protein 06/12/2015 at 16:21

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More rice and beans for me bitches!

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > CalzoneGolem 06/12/2015 at 17:26

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car·niv·o·rous

kärniv()rs/

adjective

adjective: carnivorous

(of an animal) feeding on other animals.synonyms: meat-eating , flesh-eating , predatory

Does not indicate that such an animal would eat meat exclusively.

CalzoneGolem > Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready 06/15/2015 at 08:16

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Yeah, an obligate carnivore would eat meat exclusively which some bear are.

Nishi > Textured Soy Protein 10/31/2015 at 19:08

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I like eating pussy. Is that paleo?

Suzi > Textured Soy Protein 09/02/2016 at 22:43

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Well if I really wanted to be paleo...on a bad hunt day what do we eat?? BUGS thats right BUGS lmao fuck that I went paleo my cholesterol skyrocketed and Im only 41 I ate huge salads and meat meat meat thats basically all you can eat unless you get super creative and have tons of time.